Death with Dignity

The words “death with dignity” can have a different meaning for each person who uses them.

They are often connected to Medical Aid in Dying (MAID), or End of Life Option Act where I am from (in California). 

Sometimes this gets confused with words like euthanasia or suicide, and those words carry weight, judgment, fear, and even discomfort for those who hear them, as well as for those who say them. And I struggle with that, because that is not what this is about. At least not for me.

Remember that when this choice is made, it is not because they want to die, it is because they are already dying.

Their body is shutting down.

The outcome is not in question.



What is in question, is how those final days or moments will unfold. Will they be filled with panic, pain, and chaos? Or can they be met with some measure of peace, dignity, and choice?

That is what this is about. The word “dignity” is what should really stand out here.

For me, dignity is the quiet, unshakable worth that belongs to every person simply because they exist. It lives in the ability to make choices about one’s own life, and to be heard, and respected in those choices. It isn’t something we earn or lose, it is something we honor, in ourselves and in one another, by offering care, honesty, and the space for each person to remain fully themselves, even in the most vulnerable moments.

When we talk about a death with dignity, we are really talking about choice and autonomy.

Yes, this might mean choosing to take medications, that are legal in some states, to plan the timing of their death, and to peacefully end their life in a way that is compassionate and kind, removing suffering, discomfort, and distress, which they had probably been dealing with for weeks or months… sometimes much longer.

This decision is not made lightly.

It comes after everything else has been tried.

It comes after conversations, reflection, and often a long journey of letting go.

People don’t want to die, but when they are already dying, there is something profoundly compassionate about allowing them a say in how that happens.

I am an advocate for this because at the heart of it, this is something deeply human: the desire to be seen, heard, and respected at the end of life.

To choose dignity at the end of their life, without the fear of being judged, or questioned, should be the right of all human beings.

We do this for our animals without hesitation. When they are suffering and there is no path to recovery, we choose to ease their pain. That does not mean it is an easy decision, it too is one made with deep thought and intention.

We call it kindness and compassion.

We call it love.

And yet, when it comes to humans, we hesitate.

I understand why, our love for them makes us want more time; we want one more conversation, one more moment, one more breath. I understand this, I have been there too.

But if I had to choose, truly choose, between someone I love dying in pain, agitation, and distress, which I personally had to witness, or dying with peace, calm, and a sense of control… I would choose peace for them, every time. Every single time.

I would choose that for myself, and I would choose that for you too. Because in the end, this isn’t about giving up, it is about honoring life, right up to the very last moment.

xo

Gabby

You can find my deeper definition for the word “dignity,” as well as “autonomy,” “death,” “empathy,” “love,” “peace,” “respect,” and “suffering,” along with 36 other meaningful words, in my book “When Words Have New Meaning,” which you can find here:

https://www.amazon.com/When-Words-Have-New-Meaning/dp/B0GDFT9WL3