“Autonomy can be defined as the ability of a person to make his or her own decisions.” When someone is diagnosed with a terminal illness their autonomy, their choice, and their voice are often taken from them. They did not choose for their life to be cut short, or for their body to be riddled with pain, or to lose their ability to care for themselves or do things they love, with the people they love. Everyone else makes choices for them, stepping in to make decisions on their behalf, and most of the time they become completely dependent on everyone around them.
When I first heard of Medical Aid in Dying (MAID), in California we call it End of Life Option Act (EOLOA), I felt a sense of relief wrapped beautifully in gratitude knowing that this option could reduce suffering for people who are dying. The name might be slightly different in each state, but they all represent the legal right to decide to end your life (and your suffering) by taking medications that are prescribed by a doctor after you have met all qualifications needed in order to be deemed appropriate.
I have had the honor of being present for over 200 people who ingested these medications, and who were allowed to die on their terms, ending their pain and suffering, and most importantly getting their voice back.
I supported a woman who wanted to take the medications, she even had them in her home, but she continued to hold out hope that maybe her pain would subside, and her discomfort would reduce. I always encourage hope, and never pushed her to change her mind. She was looking forward to her “Dignity Day,” and when she was ready, I would be too. This was her choice to make, and was not about me. My only role was to be present for her, to honor her wishes, and to make sure she felt supported.
She ended up declining quickly and died without taking the medications. Sometimes it’s not actually about taking the medication’s, it’s about knowing that you have an option and a choice. That in itself can bring comfort and peace to many people who are otherwise living a life with suffering.
Making this decision is difficult and takes bravery from the person who is choosing to do it. Please know that they are not giving up, quitting, or being frivolous in any way. What they are doing is choosing to die with dignity and peace, and to have one last chance at having autonomy.
I was with a woman who had followed all the protocols to be able to do this but had held back for fear that her family would be upset with her. She fell one morning, the third time in a week, and her body was getting weaker. I knew that she soon would no longer qualify to exercise her right to do this, because one of the most important protocols is that you must be able to have the strength to hold the medications yourself and drink the 2-4 ounces without difficulty.
She was ready but she needed her family to support her. I visited with her family and helped them to make peace with her decision. And with her family at her bedside, I reassured her that while this won’t be easy for them, they respected her decision, and supported it, and they wanted to honor her wishes. The look on her face was something I will never forget. The next day she took the medications, with her entire family present, and died with dignity and so much respect from all who love her.
My wish for all human beings is to be cared for well when they are at the end of their life, for there to be no suffering for anyone, and to be allowed the dignity I believe they deserve. We do not have to agree with people’s choices, we all have different opinions and that is okay, but we also all have the right to choose. Medical Aid in Dying offers human beings who are dying, the legal right and choice to end their suffering and die with dignity on their terms, having one last chance at autonomy, and to feel a sense of peace and freedom within.
I wish that for all human beings.
xo
Gabby
You can find my book “Dignity Day” here:
https://www.amazon.com/Dignity-Day-end-life-medications/dp/B0CCCJBT95/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?qid=1696025889&
My hope for this book, is that it invites healthy conversation, welcomes curiosity, answers some of the big questions, and supports each person by honoring their different thoughts and opinions about it. This is an easy-to-read resource for the person who chooses to do this, the people who love them, and for those who do not support this option but need a reminder that you will not lose your particular beliefs when you support someone you love who believes differently. This book asks that you please not walk away.
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