Our hands still fit together despite our differences.

For the past few days, I have been in Stockton at the California Health Care Facility as a facilitator for the Humane Prison Hospice Project. I have been doing this work for quite some time now and it truly is something that fills my heart.

The Humane Prison Hospice Project developed a comprehensive curriculum to train incarcerated individuals as peer caregivers, equipping them with the skills to provide hands-on care and emotional support to their aging and terminally ill peers. Graduates of this program, known as Palliative Care Workers/Volunteers (PCW/Vs), are part of a growing movement to humanize end-of-life care behind bars. And I have the honor of being one of the facilitators training the peer caregivers to do this work well, to honor each human being, and to ensure that no one dies alone, unless that is their choice.

During our last visit, we had a deep conversation that has truly stayed with me; it was about caring for someone whose personal choices differ from your own.

As a nurse during COVID, I cared for patients while wearing layers of PPE, even as some patients and their families disputed the Pandemic's reality and refused to wear masks around me. Despite these challenges, I continued to deliver excellent care and support to everyone equally.

In the recent presidential election, I found it challenging when patients and their families tried to impose their beliefs on me, which differed from my own. They often became upset when I chose not to engage in the discussion. Despite this, I continued to offer compassionate and excellent care.

As you might expect, there are numerous differences among the men and women in prisons, including skin color, gang affiliation, lifestyle choices, age, faith, language, and particularly the varying levels of crimes that led them there. Picture yourself in this scenario, where you are asked to care for someone you might otherwise overlook if you passed them in the hallway.

The question we asked them, was something like this; “how do you feel about caring for someone who you do not agree with, trust, or even feel comfortable around?”

Their responses mirrored mine: when you commit to caring for someone who is aging or ill, you do not turn away. You maintain the same level of care regardless of whether you agree with their choices. You do not ignore, dismiss, or abandon anyone.

Each of them has arrived at a stage in their life where they wish to perform this work with excellence, always approaching it from a heart-centered perspective and refraining from judgment. I was truly amazed by their dedication to compassion and kindness.

These men endeavor to perform their work with excellence, showing respect for each individual they care for, honoring them in the most beautiful manner, and accompanying them through their decline, ensuring they feel safe and well-cared for.

No matter where you offer this care or who the recipient is, we should all remember that our hands can still fit together despite our differences. To me, this signifies that I will not hesitate to hold your hand, nor will I refuse to do so, simply because we disagree.

I enter their doors with the intention of contributing to their knowledge, and occasionally I succeed, but more often I am humbled by them and reminded of my purpose in this work. I left there feeling even more motivated to educate and support ANYONE who wishes to be present for someone during the most vulnerable moments of their life.

My commitment is this:

I will not pass judgment.

I will not treat you differently because we see things differently.

Who you kiss, who you love, who you pray to, who you vote for, how you choose to live your life, how you choose to die, and how you grieve… is not about me.

I will provide the same compassionate care to all humans!!

Regardless of our differences, please remember that our hands still fit together despite our differences.

xo

Gabby

For more information about the Humane Prison Hospice Project please visit their website: https://humaneprisonhospiceproject.org/