"If you reflect on your past experiences, you look at them once again thoughtfully."
One thing I am absolutely certain of is that we cannot go backwards, and beating ourselves up, wishing we had done things better, said more of "the things," or showed up more often, is not productive. Perhaps we can use those thoughts to change how we do things moving forward, which would be productive.
I often hear from people having regret about not being at the bedside more often, not doing better for someone who was dying, or not getting there on time to say goodbye. I can't change the way you are feeling, but I can tell you that I truly believe that the gifts you did bring, the words you did say, at any given moment in the time you shared with that person, stayed with them.
Look at the clouds as they reflect in the pool in this photo. You are the pool, they are the sky... that is what they took away... not what you didn't do, but what you did do. That is their take-away.
When you reflect backwards... simply think of the times you were there, the things you did say, and the moments and memories you shared. I like to believe that when someone dies, they take with them the things that made them smile... the things we did, or said that made them smile.
Try not to be so hard on yourself.
A friend of mine sent this photo today. She said, "this reminded me of you."
It definitely had me thinking about reflection.