Sadness is woven deep inside of me

A poem I wrote one morning when grief decided to suddenly invite itself into my sleep... totally unannounced.

I woke up early this morning

With the reminder that you are no longer here

I felt this sudden sense of sadness

And my eyes filled up with tears

The sobs are much quieter now

As if I am keeping them to myself

It’s like the ache I feel when I think of you

Is stored safely on a shelf

I can reach for it when I need to

Or pretend it isn’t there

But sometimes it sneaks up on me

A reminder that my sadness is everywhere

It’s in the songs that I hear playing

It’s in the shows that I see

It’s everything, and everywhere

It’s woven deep inside of me.

Sadness stays forever

It is never going to leave

Sometimes I am okay with it

But other times I cannot breathe

As I lay in bed and cried today

I whispered out your name

I told you that I missed you

That life will never be the same

The sadness will never leave me

Nor will the love I have for you

I’ll take it off the shelf again

It’s what I need to do

I have to work through this

All the feelings and my pain

Tears are falling from my eyes

Like a stormy winter rain

But that for me is healing

It brings comfort from the start

In many ways, each time I cry

It’s as though you are visiting from my heart

As I wipe away my tears

And take care of myself

I’ll say goodbye (again) for now

And put you back upon my shelf