Talk about it
- Gabrielle Elise Jimenez
- Dec 7, 2021
- 2 min read
Updated: Jun 10
I often joke that no one asks me how my day is because they are afraid I might actually tell them.
The truth is, most people don't want to talk about what I do every day because what I do requires us to acknowledge something many of us spend our lives trying to avoid: death. It remains the elephant in the room, not because it is rare, but because it is universal.
Yet I have always believed that if we talked about death more openly, it would lose some of its power to frighten us.
Imagine having these conversations long before a diagnosis, a medical crisis, or an unexpected loss. Imagine knowing what matters most to the people you love because you took the time to ask. Imagine them knowing what matters most to you because you had the courage to share it.
These conversations are not about giving up. They are about showing up.
Talking about death does not make it happen sooner, just as avoiding the conversation does not keep it away. Death is not waiting for an invitation, nor is it discouraged by our silence.
What talking does provide is clarity. It gives us the opportunity to share how we want to be cared for, what brings us comfort, what music we want playing, who we want nearby, and how we hope to be remembered.
Most importantly, it gives the people who love us a gift. When difficult decisions arise, they are not left guessing. They are able to honor our wishes with confidence instead of carrying the burden of uncertainty.
Death is a part of life. It always has been. And perhaps when we stop treating it as something forbidden to discuss, we discover something unexpected: talking about death often teaches us how to live.
When we acknowledge that our time is finite, we tend to waste less of it. We love a little harder, forgive a little faster, worry a little less, and savor a little more.
And I am absolutely in favor of savoring a little more.
xo
Gabby
You might find my book, “The Conversation,” a great resource to help you get the conversation started:
Thank you, Gabby. I really appreciate the experiences that you have had and consistently share them with all of us. I am currently experiencing difficulty in talking about death with my hanai mom. Hanai, is a Hawaiian word for adopted without formality, just for the sake of love. She brings the reality of death up at times and, knowing what I know, I still shy away from the topic. Each time you share something, I get to learn a little more about my own fear of death. Receiving your messages every week is like a pull towards healing a broken heart and a broken understanding of what it means to be alive.
Ever Grateful,
Michael