Give them the chance to say goodbye.

Over the years, I have been asked by families to “please don’t tell them they are dying.” I have sat at bedsides where family members pleaded with me not to say the word hospice or acknowledge death out loud. I always hold that request with respect. I know that the reasons are deeply personal, woven from culture, tradition, history, and love. I would never dismiss those choices. Still, what I have witnessed time and again is that the person who is dying almost always already knows. Their bodies tell them. Their hearts know. Their awareness deepens, even if no one around them dares to name it.

What stays with me are the moments lost when the truth is withheld. I have seen people leave without the chance to say goodbye, without being given the opening to speak words they have held close for years, words of forgiveness, apology, or gratitude. I believe those conversations, as painful as they might feel, are among the most sacred parts of dying. When we avoid them, we sometimes protect ourselves more than we protect the person we love.

This is not simple, and I don’t pretend there is only one way. There are situations where speaking directly isn’t possible or appropriate. But from what I have witnessed, I believe that naming what is real gives people the chance to meet the end of life on their own terms, with dignity, honesty, and peace. And to me, that is one of the greatest gifts we can offer.

In the end, this will always be your choice as a family. But if it were up to me, I would encourage honesty. Not harsh or unkind, but gentle and loving, meeting your person right where they are. In doing so, you not only support them in one of the most tender chapters of their life, but you also allow them the chance to feel truly seen, heard, and held as well as giving them the opportunity to say goodbye, which would be taken from them if the honest conversations were not had.

xo

Gabby